3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
