my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
