Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
