I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
