Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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