That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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