We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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