I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
