You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
