i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And then he peed in my hair
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