sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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