Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
