She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
