He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
