everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
