So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
