we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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