I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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