I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
