so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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