Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
