we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
