omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
