the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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