Moan for me like Helen Keller
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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