Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
