a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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