just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
