So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
