seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
