Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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