my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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