Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
