Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
