I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
