I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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