when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
