I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
