it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
