I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
