so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
