Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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