just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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