Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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