I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
