FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
