I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
