New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
