All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
