Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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