Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Terrible idea I love it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
