I wish i was in the wii world.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
