I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
