Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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